Sick, Sad, Messed Up World
by heartbreakhemo
Summary: Two shot. AU: Quinn tries to explain to Santana some warped world in which they sleep together. It's gross and depressing but that's the nature of their 'what if' game. Later, Brittany and Rachel try to play it themselves but it doesn't work out so well since Brittany finds the diva boring. Brittana/Faberry love. Quinntana/Brittberry friendship. I own nothing.
1. Glee

"Why the fuck would I ever sleep with you?!"

"It's called 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World' for a reason, Santana."

"Ugh. Fine.", Santana releases a drawn out sigh. Quinn always comes up with the craziest scenarios in their game. She sits back against the armrest ready to hear the batshit. "Well, if that were to ever happen, Britt and I wouldn't be together, as per usual... Why aren't she and I together in this world?"

Quinn sits back on the opposite side of the couch, leaning half of herself into the arm rest, so she's partially facing Santana. She's got this scenario only somewhat thought out. "Um... She didn't graduate with us and you went that school in Kentucky and...", Quinn looks just beyond Santana as she thinks and then smiles proud at her reason, "you looked at some fairly unattractive girl and smiled. You had a, quote, 'energy exchange'."

"I fucking looked at a girl and smiled?! I didn't even cheat?! How the fuck does that mean we aren't together?!"

"I don't know. You wanted to be mature and..."

Santana scoffs as she interrupts, "And what? Being in a long distance relationship isn't being mature? I'm assuming Britt stayed in Lima to complete her credits, right? Being that this world sucks ass..."

Quinn nods and adds, "You didn't even know she wasn't graduating or that she had a zero point zero gpa."

"What? First off, I would so know if she wasn't graduating. Second, is that even possible? What about Cheerios? How could she be in any extra curriculars while failing everything?"

"In 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World' anything and everything is possible, Santana.", Quinn takes a second to flesh out the scenario in her head as Santana just sits and lets everything sink in.

"Also, Sue is pregnant, even though we all know she has no uterus. She'll say that she let B slide due to her baby hormones. As for why no one else took the initiative to help B with her grades and stuff...", Quinn sighs dejected at her lame but truthfully realistic reasoning, "they're just a bunch of selfish assholes."

"Ouch." Santana bows her head shamefully at her now restless and fidgeting hands in her lap.

"I'm not saying you're an asshole." Quinn takes a breath as she adds sheepishly, "I'm still not sure why you wouldn't have helped her or why you wouldn't have known she needed the help. You two were girlfriends but even more than that, you two were bestfriends." Quinn gives Santana a shy, genuine smile. She knows her close friend takes these crazy stories to heart sometimes.

Santana sends Quinn a small thankful smile before she rests her hands a little more collected. "So... We aren't together because she couldn't graduate with a zero point zero gpa and I went to Kentucky, where I exchanged some weird ass energy with some ugly chick and..." Santana's eyes widen, her recently calmed demeanor transforming to one of panic as she remembers an essential detail, "God, how did we break up?"

Quinn winces as she recalls the story she came up with. She takes a calming breath as she begins, "You came to Lima after the exchange to do laundry. You go to the school and you're in the choir room. Brittany meets you there. You explain to B that that's where you fell in love with her... That you counted the number of days she'd smile at you and die on the days she didn't." Quinn realizes she had somehow ended up looking down at her own fidgeting hands and looks up at Santana. She feels a pang of guilt when she sees her dear friend wiping a lone tear from her eye. Quinn returns her gaze to her hands as she adds in almost a whisper, "You sing her a slow and sickingly beautiful version of Taylor Swift's 'Mine' before explaining to her the energy exchange and why you two should have an unofficial, but pretty much official, breakup."

"That's all sorts of fucked up, Q.", Santana states firmly. Batting her eyes at the ceiling, wrangling in the tears.

"I know."

Santana settles back. They sit there in silence. A breath could barely be heard between the pair. Quinn is almost certain this round of their fucked up game is over. She's about to change the subject when Santana straightens her slumped shoulders and takes a deep, loud, steadying breath.

"As much fun as all that was, why don't you fast foward to how the hell we end up getting it on?"

Quinn pretty much just wants this game to have never even happened but knows that look on her friends face. Santana's curiosity has peaked and she has to know. The blonde straightens herself up aswell before locking eyes with Santana.

"It's Pillsbury and Schuester's wedding."

"Of course." Santana waves her hand dismissively as if it were the most clichéd of scenarios.

"Britt is dating Sam!" Quinn rushes out, annoyed by Santana's reaction to the wedding. She takes another calming breath, preparing herself for the outburst.

"Um. Excuse. You. FUCK. NO. There's no fucking way I would let Britt date that fucking smug ass, guppy faced, one trick pony who buys his fucking Bieber knockoff hoodies from the little boys section at Walmart! That kid knows nothing about how to treat a woman, especially not my BritBrit. That douche would probably lay down a fucking line of cereal for her to follow, where he'd have a glass of milk waiting for her, and think he was being romantic and cute. The trail most likely leading to an empty classroom," she barely registers Quinn saying something about Sam loving empty classrooms before finishing up exasperated, "so he could sing some duet, where his pop shit vocals overpower her adorable alto, to profess his undying and instantaneous love for her. Probably after only crushing on her for a few weeks."

"Not where I was going with it but sounds good. But not only does he do that, he tells her that you were only ever so mean to him because he had been crushing on B all along.", Quinn concludes with a tight lipped grin.

"Right because he wasn't all over you, me and Mercedes junior year... Why the fuck did he even come back to Lima in the first place?"

"That's irrelevant."

"It's fucking ridiculous and unnecessary."

"That too but it gets better..." Santana narrows her eyes but Quinn just smiles brightly, "You come back to Lima, again, to confront them both and when you do, you pay some cheerleader to pretend to be your girlfriend!"

"As if." In true Santana fashion, she crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes.

"Right?" Quinn all but burst into laughter at that then continues, "Who knows why the hell you did that, B knows from the start that you were lying. Anyway, you challenge Sam to a sing-off and destroy him!"

"Obviously."

"Then when he tells you to just give up, that he has Brittany and you had your chance, you dramatically pause and simply state, 'Never' and it's so 'feels' inducing and true."

"I wouldn't have ever let her go to begin with, especially after all that Artie bullshit, but okay..."

"San..." Quinn cocks her head in annoyance, telling her to just listen, "Anyway, you do give up when B tells you she's not breaking up with Sam. She wants you to follow your dreams by going to New York and tells you to go because there's people like you there, that you have a set community. She wants you to find a real girlfriend but not a bestfriend because she already fills that position."

"She fucking FRIENDZONES me?!", Santana jumps up to her feet, throwing her arms into the air.

"After pushing you toward your dreams." Quinn states calmly.

"Well, yeah," Santana slowly lowers her arms, "Britt's always done that for me. Helping me come out to you guys, then our parents, the school... Secretly getting me those scholarships for all those random schools just to make me realize that I didn't even want college, I wanted New York..." She slumps back down on the couch, her voice low and broken, "But why the hell would she friendzone me? Even when she had chosen Artie over me, she never said we were just bestfriends."

"Santana..." Quinn can see the tears threatening to break free from dark, lost eyes. "Sweetie, it's just 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World', it's not real."

Santana gives a hollow and almost humorless laugh, "Yeah, I know. But it still hurts."

Quinn sighs, "I know. Should we stop?"

"No," Santana puts on her resolve face. "I want to know how the fuck we happen because it still doesn't make sense. I mean, they obviously go to the wedding together which means I would most likely be drinking. Definately no way this would happen while I was sober. Not in any world."

Quinn nods as she jumps back into the story, "Pillsbury's a runaway bride but the reception's already paid for. We get drunk there and I prove how much of a whorey and horny drunk I am by putting the moves on you first."

Santana shakes her head disapprovingly, "You'd never drink, Q."

"I got drunk and let Noah Puckerman impregnate me.", Quinn deadpans.

"You were 16, Q. And you learned your lesson. You wouldn't even drink at Berry's lame ass party."

"I wish I had...", she mumbles remembering what happened that night and wishing she had at least got a buzz to make the memory hazy.

"Oh, please... You've witnessed worse." Quinn gives Santana a 'really' look so Santana continues, "What? I'm sorry, okay? We thought you left. Like, really left, not just to the bathroom."

Quinn rolls her eyes at the lame ass excuse even all these years later, "And that justifies you two having sex on stage while the rest of the glee club were passed out?"

"It wasn't the entire club.", Santana says matter of factly. "Finn, Kurt, Eyebrows, Puck and Zizes had already left..."

Quinn was done with this. She decided to just go all in, explain that that world's Quinn was crazy. Maybe then Santana would get it. Nothing ever good happened to her in that world.

"The Quinn in that world never learned anything from her pregnancy. It's almost like it never happened.", it's a cold statement that has Santana ready to argue but Quinn puts up her hand and continues, "She literally fought you to become head Cheerio again, after exposing your boob job to coach. She dated Sam instead of retaining her independence. She got with Finn just so she had a shot at junior prom queen. Nothing goes her way so she bitches and moans and almost single handedly ruins everyone's shot at Nationals in New York. Instead you and B convince her to cut her hair. How that worked, I don't know. New Directions loses either way and the following year she quits glee club, dyes her hair pink, becomes a Skank, and eventually rejoins glee club but only to attempt an elaborate and insane plot to steal Beth back."

Quinn takes a moment to breathe and Santana knows what's coming next. It's what always comes next in Quinn's 'Fucked Up' scenarios.

"I fall in love with Rachel along the way and do everything in my power to stop her from marrying Finn after learning of their engagement. I do everything except profess my love... Eventually I stop trying and cave, become a bridesmaid, text and drive on my way to the wedding and get hit by a truck. Now I'm in a wheelchair and may, or may not, have a thing for Artie." Quinn laughs and shakes her head at what she's come up with next, "I inexplicably let Teen Jesus rub his boner on my thigh because apparently he knows how to rehabilitate and restore sensation in my legs through his almighty Jesus boner. Eventually I hook up with Puck one more time too, after regaining my ability to walk..."

It seems like she's done but then a sudden thought occurs to her, "Oh! I find out I can walk around prom time. You know, you and I are both running because duh." Quinn beams and Santana's a little lost as to why she changed the point of view of her story and why she's so happy but Quinn just continues, "We rig the votes. Rachel wins prom queen. She's shocked and disbelieving. She has no clue what we did. What I did for her... And God, she is so beautiful, S." Quinn breathes out the last bit in awe. Completely mesmerized by the images in her head.

Santana lets Quinn bask in her weird Rachel Berry obsession/love glow for a minute before clearing her throat. Quinn snaps out of it and continues her story a bit hasty and rushed, due to her slight embarrassment at getting carried away in her thoughts.

"I buy train passes as proof that I'll go visit her often from New Haven to New York."

"But you don't."

"Nope. Not until Kurt calls up saying she's considering doing a nude scene in a student film. You get the call too and we both go because in this world, you and B have a sex tape." Santana gives her a 'point being' look so Quinn clarifies, "B put the tape online."

"She would never do that!"

"She does and everyone sees it and it shows up when you google your name. You explain that to Rachel. But, you know what, forget all that... I'm dating my married professor for awhile and he's a pig." Deciding she doesn't want to get into the sex tape bullshit, she finally cuts to the chase, "At the wedding, I decide that I hate men. Instead of going for Rachel, I make the choice to ruin my relationship with my bestest frienemy."

"Wow. You choose to ruin an already iffy friendship over finally getting the woman you love? You must really hate that worlds Quinn.", Santana chuckles out humorlessly.

"Severely."

"So, we have drunken sex because I'm lonely and heartbroken and you're a psycho, self hating, self destructive, manipulative bitch that insists on ruining anything decent in her life?"

"Exactly.", Quinn states sadly.

Santana considers all this before concluding, "I bet the sex is terrible. Like, absolutely no chemistry or connection because that Quinn is bipolar and borderline evil."

"We have sex twice."

"Ewww! Why?!", Santana exclaims completely disgusted.

"What better way to destroy The Unholy Trinity forever? A one time drunken lay is bad enough but a two time thing is just sick."

"God, Q." Santana just shakes her head, "You are one cold ass, heartless bitch. Not in a good, badass way either."

"I know."

A random thought formulates in Santana's head, "This all sounds like some lame ass stunt to increase ratings on some tv show that continued way past it's expiration date."

Quinn laughs at this, "Our high school years as a tv show... All that glee drama started around sophomore year, yeah? That would make that the 4th season."

"Fucking tragic."

"Extremely tragic."

"What's tragic?", Brittany's sleepy, sweet, angelic voice wafts into the living room.

Santana's face is instantly bunched with her Brittany smile as she opens her arms, inviting Brittany to some much needed cuddles. The tall, exuberant blonde gives her a small, reserved smile as she makes her way over to the couch, over to her soul mate. They settle into one another in an instant, as if they were only meant to hold each other. Santana enquires in a whisper, into her lovers ear, if her mid evening nap went well to which Brittany hums affirmatively.

Quinn stares mystified by two of her closest friends, wondering how she could ever come up with such a fucked up world knowing that these two could never survive without one another. Knowing that they were made for each other and always belonged together, a two shot. Stupid fucking scenario.

"A tv show not knowing when to quit is tragic." Brittany breaks her trance from Santana's deep, soulful, gentle and loving eyes at the sound of Quinn's somber voice.

"That 70's Show?", Brittany enquires but Quinn shakes her head. "Two and a Half Men? Although, I don't think that show was ever really great to begin with..."

"Not quite what we were discussing, baby.", Santana coos gently into Brittany's ear, wrapping her arms tighter around the blondes stomach as Brittany snuggles her back further into Santana's front.

"Although, I'm certain it would be on Fox...", she adds almost as an afterthought before explaining, "Q and I were playing 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World', the extremely fucked up edition apparently."

"That sounds... bad. What the hell kind of game is that?"

Quinn feigns shock as she pulls her hand to her heart and asks with an accusatory tone, "You never played 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World' with Brittany?"

"No. Dipshit." Santana spits as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "There's no point. It wouldn't work. Being anywhere near Britt makes everything beautiful, vibrant, and otherworldly perfect; exactly how she is. How could I come up with some fucked up scenario of a life, to the person I love, when I've got everything I've ever wanted wrapped up securely in my arms everytime I welcome the day?"

Brittany looks up lovingly into Santana's stubborn and set eyes, from her shoulder. She tilts Santana's head toward her, guiding the brunette from her chin. They lock eyes before slowly leaning into one another, lips meeting in a passionate, deep, far from chaste, yet quick kiss.

Brittany's the one to pull away, leaning her forehead against Santana's temple, whispering dreamily into her ear, "I'm so in love with you, Santana Lopez."

Santana brushes a gentle kiss to Brittany's forehead, inhaling the scent of her sweaty from sleep, tangled, floral smelling hair, "I'm so in love with you, Brittany Pierce. Proudly so."

"Jesus, you two are so sickeningly cute, it actually hurts." With that, Quinn shatters the moment between the lovers.

"Don't hate Fabray. Man-hands Berry will be here soon enough and you'll get your cuddles on too.", Santana states smugly as Quinn blushes.

She's still adjusting to people openly discussing her and Rachel's intimacy, no matter how innocent. The slight shyness lasts all but a second before she realizes what Santana just called her girlfriend. She's about to lash back when she sees Brittany give Santana a pointed look.

"Santana..." Santana looks over at Brittany for a second, pouts, sighs, then quickly mutters out an apology to Quinn. She says that she's sure Rachel's hands are probably perfect, in size and shape in Quinn's mind, then smiles innocently.

Well, it was sort of an apology and most likely innuendo. Brittany either doesn't notice or knows, like Quinn, that that's the best they're gonna get. She decides to let it slide, "So how does this game work and what's the point?"

Santana explains, "The concept is a lot like 'Anywhere But Here', you know, like that game Buffy and Willow play?"

Brittany quickly nods her head telling Santana to continue, "Well, since Q and I are already so happy with you and Berry, all we kept coming up with were places we'd like to visit with you guys. It was like we were planning vacations and it got boring fast."

Brittany turns her attention to Quinn when she continues the explanation, "That's when we came up with a charming twist on the game. Basically when something isn't going too great in our lives, we come up with some scenario in which our life is worse. Nothing obvious though like..."

"Like being homeless on the street or not being able to afford food, living paycheck to paycheck. It has to be upsetting but more creative and elaborate than that."

Quinn affirms Santana's statement and adds, "We pretty much don't have you or Rachel as our respective girlfriends in each scenario and they all start sometime during sophomore year. It's always guaranteed 'teenage angst' upsetting and makes us realize how perfect our lives are. Puts every tiny problem we have into perspective."

They exchange nods, proud of their game and explanation, as they await Brittany's reaction. It comes fairly quick.

"You guys are twisted," She flashes a proud smile to her girlfriend and her friend then adds, "I'm not knocking the game, because it's totally you two... But you should really change the name."

Quinn immediately scoffs, offended, "What's wrong with 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World'? I came up with that, you know..."

"I had wanted to call it 'Hell'." Santana sighs, readily agreeing with her girlfriend.

"That's lame!", Quinn admonishes.

"Fuck you, Fabray! You're fucking lame!"

"Well, you fuck this lame girl twice, Lopez!"

"Yeah, in your twisted, fantasy version of HELL.", Santana reiterates slowly to Quinn who sits there seething. The name she came up with was uncharacteristically badass. She was proud of herself with that one. Now she has to change it because Santana is so whipped by her adorable blonde girlfriend.

"Gross.", Brittany states the obvious with distaste, then looks at Quinn with apprehension and attentiveness in her features, "It's not a bad name, Q."

Damn, that girl can read anyone like a book.

"It's just really long.", Brittany smiles timidly and just like that the thick atmosphere in the room vanishes. _The Brittany Effect._

"What do you suggest, B?", Quinn returns Brittany's smile as she asks.

"Well, all these scenarios take place around high school, right? While we were all in glee club...", Brittany trails off, her eyes bright, wide, and sparkling.

Santana and Quinn exchange amused looks, anxiously waiting for Brittany to give their game a new name.

Brittany claps her hands together excitedly and proclaims, "Glee!"

Quinn's jaw drops open slightly as her eyebrows furrow a bit and a smile slowly takes over her face, "That's actually really kinda perfect! It's ironic and just brilliant, B!"

She rolls her eyes playfully as the blonde pops her chest, squares her shoulders, sets her jaw and presents her fist in the motion of a fist bump. All very gangsta, very thug, and not at all Brittany, but she still manages to pull it off. Only Brittany... Quinn shakes her head and smiles as she knocks fist with the silly blonde.

"It's absolutely genius!", Santana exclaims proudly as she pulls her lover snugly back against her. She begins to turn Brittany over, enough to see her face clearly, their bodies never losing an inch of space between them through the process.

Somehow managing to bring Brittany even closer she gives her her cheek bunching, dimple producing smile. She leans into Brittany, eyes locked, "Britt, you're such a genius," she whispers, knowing her girlfriend is too good to be true. She ghosts her thick, full, parted lips over Brittany's, "and it's such a fucking turn on...", she husks before bringing their lips together in a heated kiss.

Sounds of lips smacking, soft moans and gasps immediately fill the room. Quinn is about to make her presence known when Brittany straddles Santana. It's a lost cause. She quickly rushes to Rachel's room when Santana's hands find Brittany's ass while Brittany simultaneously begins to tug off her own shirt.

In the room she quickly jots down a note, rushes out of the room. She frantically sprints past the living room, eyes covered, praying she doesn't run into anything and wills her mind to block out any noises her friends are making right now.

She makes it out safely and slips the note under the 8 of the apartments number 18 and heads out.

20 minutes later and Rachel is finally getting home. She stands outside her apartment door about to fish her keys out of her coat pocket when she sees a note with her name, written in Quinn's elegant handwriting.

The tiny diva takes a moment to let her heart soar but the moment is abruptly cut short when she hears an uncharacteristically loud explicate demand from her blonde roommate through the door, "Oh fuck! Yes, San! Harder! Right there! I love you so much baby!"

Rachel quickly retreats outside her apartment building, eyes wide. She's been living with Brittany and Santana awhile but their spontaneous love making sessions still catch her off guard. She shakes unsettling memories from her head as she unfolds the note.

_Hello my star, as you probably heard, your roommates are going at it like bunnies in the living room again... Probably the kitchen too, knowing them. You left your phone home, hence, the letter. Anyway, since our plans for a relaxing night in are a bust, I figured we could finally check out that Italian place you mentioned the other night. Meet me there. Much love, Quinn._

Rachel smiles, finding it incredibly amazing that she finally has a lover that listens to everything she says. Even some offhanded comment about a restaurant she wanted to visit weeks ago. This is it. She and Quinn are the real deal, she can feel it. It's a heavy feeling, one filled with so much hope and many promises. Promises she wishes to exchange with girlfriend as soon as possible. There's only one problem...

Rachel always forgets her phone, yes, but Quinn never carries a wallet. Something about 'Fabray woman never' blah, blah, blah. Rachel doesn't take money with her to work either since that one incident that one time. Nope. Their money is stashed safe away, in her bedroom... back in the apartment.

Rachel sighs as she walks the few blocks to the restaurant. Quinn will have to settle for a nice, free stroll through the park instead.


	2. Hot Shots

"So, they made up a game... What did you say it was called?"

"It was 'Sick, Sad, Fucked Up World' but now it's 'Glee'."

"Because the scenarios all take place in high school around the time glee club started..."

"Yes."

"Ironic name for such a deranged game. I applaud your genius."

"Thanks.", there's an awkward pause, the two knowing each other for so long but still not having much interaction in the past. "Yeah... So you're pretty bummed about not getting this role?"

"It's very upsetting, yes."

"So, let's come up with a story where your life could be so much more worse.", Brittany claps her hands enthusiastically.

"I don't know, Brittany. The past is the past, make believe or not. I would much rather draw inspiration from my current misfortunes and channel them into my next endeavor.", Rachel nods her head in a resolved and proud manner. As if Brittany wasn't already annoyed just being in the presence of the tiny diva.

"Whatever." Brittany sits back in her seat at the dining table. She just really wanted to kill time while Santana and Quinn were away getting dinner for all of them, from four different restaurants. They could never agree on one place.

Brittany was stuck here. Santana had been coming up with various ways to force her to spend time with Rachel. Otherwise, she'd be riding shotgun, holding hands with her girlfriend, while they all argued over which radio station to listen to, right about now... They had been living here with Rachel for nearly a year and Brittany still couldn't stand the loud and tumultuous woman.

Sure, she gets mad at San when she says something mean about her but that's because it upsets Quinn. Brittany knows she's gotta be polite and respectful when referring to the diva. She knows Rachel is even more important to their group now that she and Quinn are together. Still, she can't help it. She hates Rachel.

Brittany lets out an exaggerated, and in her mind, justified sigh. She feels she owes Rachel a bit of truth while she's stuck with her, at the moment and for however long she's with Quinn. She leans forward, forearms crossed over the table, baiting Rachel as she looks directly into her eyes, "It'd be a boring story anyway." She shrugs nonchalantly and leans back, arms crossed over her chest.

At this Rachel's interest is immediately piqued. Nothing in her life was ever boring, she made sure of that. She asks rather curious, "What do you mean?"

"Well... Every story I could come up with so far involves you staying with Finn after he outed Santana." Brittany becomes distraught at the memory but quickly composes herself and continues, "It's disgusting and wrong, especially since you have gay parents. But mostly, it's boring. You and Finn are boring. If you two had stayed together after that, it would've just been insufferable."

Rachel's taken aback, mildly offended. Surely they weren't too atrocious when involved with one another. She, in no way, regrets her decision to discontinue her romance with Finn. What he had done was cruel. Nobody should be forced out of the closet. Although, being as smitten as she was, she had tried to find reasoning behind it. She could see how Santana had finally pushed him to that point. He didn't mean for it to be overheard and broadcasted in some offensive political campaign commercial. What did it in for her though, was his refusal to acknowledge that he had done anything wrong. He didn't feel the need to apologize. Finn genuinely thought he was doing Santana a favor by forcing her out, believing he knew what was best for her. It was appalling.

Only after a major ass kicking from Noah and an emotional, heartfelt tirade from Kurt, had Finn realized the error of his ways. But by that time, Rachel had seen enough. She was above people like Finn Hudson. Even knowing all this, Brittany's admission hurt. She looks back now and knows that her relationship with Finn was self destructive. Probably one of the most unhealthy without being outright physically or verbally abusive. Still, none of that added up to boring.

Brittany could see the thoughts racing through Rachel's head by every facial expression that crossed her face. She let out another sigh, "You wouldn't get it. In your head, you two were adorable. Sure, you had your rough patches but that just added to the drama of everything, right? And you love your drama..." Brittany rolls her eyes. It was like the _Rachel fucking Berry_ show sophomore and junior year.

"Brittany..." Rachel, lets out softly. She may be over dramatic and tends to over-think things but she's still a human being. A person. Her feelings are real and they hurt.

If she really thinks about it, she's not even upset about Finn and her being boring. They were fairly obnoxious and self centered. Everytime either of them had a problem, it became everyone's problem. How anyone had put up with them individually, let alone together... It was truly beyond her. Their constant whining and complaining had to have become tiresome. If they were a television couple, she could easily imagine viewers using their screen time as a bathroom and/or snack break.

At that thought Rachel laughs. Really, truly laughs. Brittany feels like she should want to rip her ears off at it's obnoxiousness but it just makes her smile then release a chuckle. Rachel continues laughing, tears beginning to well in her eyes and the effort causing her stomach to ache. That only makes her laugh harder and Brittany can't help but join in.

After a good couple of minutes, Rachel finally settles down, only a few giggles escaping every so often. She smiles broadly, "I can see how all your scenarios would be boring. I had to imagine us on a tv show, but I really see it now."

Brittany returns the intensity of the smile, "It would have been complete crap. People would probably mute the tv while you two were on and tweet about how cute San and I were being instead." Rachel could only nod in agreement as Brittany went on, "They would probably also tweet about how obviously in love Quinn was with you."

"She really wasn't at all discreet, was she?", Rachel more asks her herself. She still can't believe she didn't know. Quinn had loved her all that time. Her prided sixth sense had failed her miserably.

"Don't feel too bad about it. I let San convince me she didn't love me for years. That I was just another warm body to her...", Brittany chuckles a bit humorlessly at the memory. "She would always say some bs about sex being better when it didn't involve eye contact but everytime we were together, it was like we were looking into each others souls.", Brittany marvels in her recollection in slight disbelief. "Even when it was so intense and I felt I couldn't, she'd beg me to look into her eyes as I came. And she'd always look into mine when she did too. Everytime. From the first time to this morning. Santana always loved me and I let her convince me, and herself, that she didn't. So much time was wasted making some joke of what we are...", Brittany finishes sadly. She knows she shouldn't feel this upset but she can't help it. Those few years of her life had been the most troubling. A lifetimes worth of pain.

Rachel sees Brittany's sullen expression and defeated demeanor and her heart just about breaks. Nothing is more gut wrenching than seeing this amazing, beautiful, vibrant, and angelic woman brought to tears by her past transgressions. The tears slowly make their way down the dancers face and Rachel finds her lip quivering. She's has to put a stop to this. People as extraordinary as Brittany should never cry.

"You were young. Both of you. You can't blame yourself or her for being scared. The fact that you two were ever together in high school at all is a true testament to your love.", Rachel says full of sincerity. She gives Brittany a small and soothing smile as she reaches across the table and takes her hand.

Brittany finds it surprisingly comforting. She imagined Rachel and her in a situation like this before and thought her hands would be extremely large, hairy and calloused. At the very least, clammy. But they were small and womanly. She'll have to ask San and Q why they referred to her as man-hands all throughout high school.

She squeezes Rachel's hand, silently thanking her. Her tears are gone. She knows she's got San now and that's all that matters. Just like that, everything is okay again. Brittany isn't one to dwell on such sad things. And even though Rachel's okay with not getting that role, she feels the need to cheer her up.

Brittany lets go of Rachel's hand with a mischievous smile and stands abruptly, heading for the freezer. Rachel eyes her curiously before realizing what she's gone for. She shakes her head in disapproval, "I don't think that's such a good idea Brittany."

After grabbing two shot glasses, Brittany takes a seat next to Rachel, setting the glasses and vodka in front of them. She sighs yet again, it's like Rachel wants her to hate her, "We're not gonna drink because we're sad about being so clueless in our past. We're gonna drink because we have the best and hottest girlfriends ever!"

At that she smiles wide and pours out their shots, picks them up and holds one out to the brunette. Rachel eyes it skeptically but grabs it anyway. Brittany only broadens her smile. She looks really excited and takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. She motions for Rachel to clink glasses and immediately after they slam down the shots.

Both woman 'blech' and 'pfff' but quickly compose themselves as the alcohol settles in their stomachs and makes it's way through their veins. Brittany quickly pours another round causing Rachel's eyes to bug out, "Brittany, I think one's enough." She chuckles a bit, she's really not a drinker.

It just makes Brittany giggle, "You really think San and Q deserve just one shot in honor of their hotness? San deserves at least a million, maybe more, just going by her body alone." She hands Rachel her shot and continues, "I don't know about Quinn. She's obviously beautiful but she's like a sister to me." Brittany just shrugs as she foregos the clink and throws back her shot.

Rachel smiles and thinks about how hot Quinn truly is. She almost forgets she has such a sexy girlfriend. It's not that Quinn's hotness isn't obvious, she just gets caught up in the adoration and attentiveness the blonde directs her way. She throws back her own shot with a face splitting grin. Her girlfriend is perfect.

Rachel gets up and grabs two tumblers, gathers a few ice trays, and some cranberry juice from the fridge. Brittany smiles, quickly grabs a spoon, and they mix up some drinks for themselves. They're settled and exchange satisfied, slightly buzzed smirks and Rachel speaks, "I think we've come up with a better game."

30 minutes later and Quinn and Santana are finally getting to the apartment. Both are beyond irritated and pissed. This four different meals shit needs to stop.

They exit Quinn's car and the second they start walking, Santana begins, "You better talk to your dwarf. I'm tired of having to make an extra trip for her vegan shit."

"Just let up already, S." Quinn's heard this for the past hour now. It's old. "You act as if finding vegan friendly restaurants in New York is so troublesome. Just about every place has a special menu. We all need to pick just one place or at least come up with some rotation system."

"Jeez, Q. Make my irrational tantrums seem ridiculous with logic...", Santana smirks as they head toward her apartment. It quickly vanishes and is replaced by a look of avid curiosity. Quinn's expression matches hers as they stand outside apartment 18 just listening.

Both girls crack up when they hear Rachel sing the chorus to Biggie's 'Hypnotize' and Santana quickly gets her keys out of her purse. She slowly and quietly unlocks the door. They stealthily enter even though it's not necessary. The music is blasting.

They set the bags of food in the living room when they realize the girls are in the kitchen. The song changes to some R. Kelly one as they make their way to the apparent, impromptu party. When the two are just around the corner, the music volume lowers and they stop, each motioning for the other to stay quiet.

_"To Quinn's ability to pull off long and short hair!", Rachel just about shrieks._

Santana snickers at Quinn's annoyingly annoying girlfriend.

_"Woo Quinn's high school and grownup hair! San could never pull that off.", Brittany states._

Santana's about to protest but Quinn shushes her.

_"To San's sharp tongue! When she talks, I mean. Because it's super gentle and soft when she uses it on me. But it's also firm and fast...", Brittany trails off, imagining all the amazing things Santana's tongue does to satisfy her._

This just makes Santana smirk as Quinn rolls her eyes. Her friend is so damn cocky.

_"Hey! Quinn's tongue is pretty amazing too! She can pleasure me for hours nonstop... To Quinn's tongue!"_

Quinn grimaces slightly and Santana does the same. It's gross but she's gotta give Quinn props, that, and she knows Rachel's little declaration embarrassed the blonde. She playfully punches her arm with a slight grin which causes her friend to blush. She's still shy about all this.

_"To San's ass!"_

_"To Quinn's abs!"_

_"To that hot ass 'V' San's hip dents make!"_

_"To Quinn's breast that fit in my hands perfectly!"_

_"To San's boobs! They just barely fit in my hands but that's okay because she prefers my mouth on them anyway."_

_"To Quinn's mouth that melds beautifully to mine!"_

_"To that whimpering noise San makes when I tease her with a hot kiss!"_

_"To Quinn growling when she bites my lower lip in a particularly steamy kiss!"_

Santana and Quinn are equal parts amused and disturbed by their girlfriends appraisal of them. But soon enough, everytime something is said, the words get more and more slurred and indecipherable. It's about time they break this party up.

"To S-San's suuuurprising abllty to lifme and wrap my legs rounder waist in one fluuud motion asshe begins to fuuu..."

"And that's enough of that!", Santana interrupts quickly, carefully removing her girlfriends drink from her hand. Brittany just grins and wraps her arms around the sexy woman she absolutely cherishes.

Santana wraps her arms around the blondes waist, pulling her in, flush against her body. It takes her a second to register the immense amount of flesh she comes in contact with. Brittany is shirtless. If she didn't already know she was drunk before...

She places a lingering and loving kiss on her lovers lips. As she unwraps her arms from around Brittany's waist, she shrugs off her leather jacket. Santana swings it around the blondes shoulders, knowing it'd be quicker than finding her discarded shirt. It makes Brittany's heart swell and she can't help her goofy smile.

Brittany readily accepts Santana's hand as she leads her to the refrigerator. She pulls out four water bottles and hands them over to her girl. "You guys destroyed this kitchen," the brunette shakes her head with a chuckle, "but we'll worry about that later. Drink some water and eat slowly. Food's in the living room. I'll be over in a sec."

She smiles adoringly at her and Brittany can't stop herself from giving Santana a quick peck before leaving the room. It makes the singers nose scrunch in that way she absolutely loves so she gives her another kiss, a little longer but still chaste. A _just because I love you_ kiss and she exits the room with a graceful spin.

Santana's in a slight state of shock. It's been 8 years since their first kiss and Brittany still manages to leave her breathless with each one. She'll never get tired of that feeling.

A glass shattering pulls her from her reverie. She's jolted to reality, remembering that her friend and her very drunk roommate are still in the room. Annoyed that her moment was destroyed, she turns to them without warning and regrets it immediately.

There's Rachel, legs spread wide, Quinn standing in between them, clutching her bare thighs where her skirt's ridden up, her lips roaming the tiny brunettes collarbone and upper breast. Rachel's head is thrown back, her hands gripping the edge of the counter they're both so determined to defile.

Santana thinks she might actually vomit. It's one of the most horrid things she has ever witnessed. And that's something given she was in glee club, on The Cheerios, and is from Lima Heights Adjacent. It's so horrible, it has her frozen in place.

"Yeah! Gets ya some, Rachy Rach!", Brittany's loud whooping and erratic fist pumps draws everyone's attention. Santana has never been more relieved in her life. She gives Brittany a look of gratitude then one of confusion. What kind of nickname is that? Since when has Britt given the vertically challenged diva a nickname anyway? They were only away an hour or so...

"BSP, the OG! Can you getyer girlfrien outta here sose I can gets my mack on?", Rachel slurs out attempting her best Santana impression and failing. Just... Failing.

It's enough to tame Quinn's libido. That's probably the cutest and funniest thing she's ever heard Rachel say. She burst out into laughter and Santana is soon to follow. Brittany just looks over at the brunette on the counter and they mirror shrugs. Their girlfriends are so weird.

Santana is the first to settle her giggles. She shakes her head, "How the hell did you two manage to get so wasted?"

"Oh! Oh!", Brittany begins jumping up and down with her hand raised in the air. Rachel sweeps her hand in teacher-esque way, motioning for Brittany to answer. At that the blonde bows slightly in thanks, causing Santana's 'Brittany' smile to emerge. She's so freaking adorable, Santana can't stand it sometimes.

Brittany gets caught up, basking in the attention for a minute before she remembers that she should be speaking right now. She clears her throat in slight embarassment before answering, "We were playing a drinking game we made up called..." The blonde directs her attention toward Rachel. She is the one who came up with the name. Brittany thinks she's the one that should tell them. Why hadn't she just let Rachel tell them to begin with? She shakes her head and focusses back on the little woman still perched on the counter, legs crossed now, thankfully.

It takes Rachel a moment to realize the attention's on her now. Yeah, she's that drunk. She looks around a bit, taking in her girlfriends and her friends amused expressions. Then she looks over to her homie who just nods. Brittany is just so awesome. Finally she breathes out, "The name of the game is 'Hot Shots'!"

"We say something we find hot about you guys and drink to it!", Brittany explains excitedly. It's such a fun and fast way to get drunk. Plus, she got to know Rachel a bit better and she's not so bad.

Quinn considers this, "You guys created a drinking game where you objectify us?" It's so odd to her. Brittany adores Santana and sees her for so much more than her looks. She's always believed in the best from the outwardly bitchy girl. And with Rachel, it's just so out of character. Even when Rachel was being shallow it was like the depth of an ocean. Had Rachel only been interested in her because she'd make a stunning trophy wife when she made it big?

Brittany, even in her drunken state, can see all this play out on Quinn's face. Her friend is so silly, "It's not like that, Q. I mean, yeah but no. Rachel loves you. And it's not just because of your pretty outsides but your pretty insides too. I know because I feel the same way about San."

The couple exchange smitten looks before she continues, "Let's be real. If Rachy Rach and I drank to how amazing you guys treat us and how smart, funny, silly, adorable and lovable you two are to us... Well, we'd be way more drunk and would probably be crying because we're so happy and lucky to have you two." Brittany concludes with a nod, "Objectification is more lighthearted and fun. Especially when we both know our girlfriends are so much more than a couple of hotties."

Quinn looks over at Rachel, seeing that all of this is true through her eyes. How could she think otherwise? She looks over to Santana and sees that the ever insightful blonde has joined her lover in an embrace. It's clear Santana never doubted Brittany's love for her over some harmless game. She hopes her and Rachel can be like them one day.

"Alright, it's time you two gangstas sober up.", Santana nods her head at Quinn, over to Rachel. Quinn gently helps her girl off the counter and they walk hand in hand toward Santana. She hands Rachel a water bottle and another to Brittany, knowing the two in the living room won't cut it.

Santana laces her fingers with Brittany's free hand and begins to lead them all toward the living room to finally have dinner. But Brittany halts her movements suddenly, causing Rachel, who was walking behind Santana, to stumble into the taller brunette.

Rachel stiffens, squeezing her eyes shut, ready for the blow. Santana turns her head and rolls her eyes. She's never hit Rachel, not even when she used to torment her, she isn't about to start now. The diva flutters her eyes open when Quinn nudges her slightly with a smile. She returns it with relief and looks over at Santana, who is giving her peppy blonde a searching look.

Brittany hands her bottle to Santana, turns to Rachel and holds out her free hand in a 'pound it' gesture. Rachel smiles, hands her water bottle over to Quinn, and immediately brings up her free hand in a similar motion. The two then proceed to perform the most elaborate handshake ever known to man. Quinn and Santana watch on in disbelief. Whatever the hell they've come up with is going smoothly. No pauses or slip-ups despite how intoxicated the two are.

The two newly formed friends exchange beaming smiles and drag their dumbfounded girlfriends to the living room. They are starving.


End file.
